the stubborn philosopher

I can't seem to function without knowing what to expect. Though I'm not a person to walk the talk, anxiety drives me to constantly plan on just about everything: when I will be doing what with who and where and why and how, what I'll be wearing, and how would I react if a certain situation were to arise.... Sounds ridiculous, but it's all about damage control. I know this kind of obsessive behavior will ultimately save no one. The more I plan the more I expect. No surprises, and nothing gets exciting. I prize myself in the accuracy of my predictions. And I guilt myself for having false hope when I'm disappointed. Everything has to be justified, no matter how abstract or trivial it may be. When every possible consequence exists within your comtemplation, reality becomes burdensome. It's like a constant test.

I'm tired. This has got to stop.