Relationship is the Perfect Crucible
My therapist used to tell me that.
I think I figured out that riddle. I have learned it from being with my daughter, and it would seem that if I could apply it inwards towards myself and outwards toward others, then I will have it made. Here's what I figured out:
Parenting is only hard if you are trying to manipulate an individual into something you wish to see and embody. It is a lot easier if you accept your role as a privileged facilitator, and recognize the power dynamics between you and your child(ren). As a parent, you will always have power over your children. They don't make life easier for you - it is not their job, but you can make it harder for everyone, including yourself.
Other relationships seem to operate in similar ways. The main difference is a sense of choice. Even when it comes to family, we're still making choices in terms of level of engagement. We tend to think that if we're making a choice to engage in a relationship, we have a right to expect something. That is true to a certain extent - to the extent that you can choose not to engage at any given point. That is still true if you are in a relationship where you feel ignored or rejected.
Know your values, be honest with them. Look inward before speaking outwardly against someone. Don't waste time changing someone's mind. If you can engage, seek to understand instead. You may find that there is no need for change. Learn to communicate, both positively and negatively. Use that big, beautiful, crazy amazing brain of yours. There are always those who would meet you at your level, for one thing or another, though never all things at once.
I think I figured out that riddle. I have learned it from being with my daughter, and it would seem that if I could apply it inwards towards myself and outwards toward others, then I will have it made. Here's what I figured out:
Parenting is only hard if you are trying to manipulate an individual into something you wish to see and embody. It is a lot easier if you accept your role as a privileged facilitator, and recognize the power dynamics between you and your child(ren). As a parent, you will always have power over your children. They don't make life easier for you - it is not their job, but you can make it harder for everyone, including yourself.
Other relationships seem to operate in similar ways. The main difference is a sense of choice. Even when it comes to family, we're still making choices in terms of level of engagement. We tend to think that if we're making a choice to engage in a relationship, we have a right to expect something. That is true to a certain extent - to the extent that you can choose not to engage at any given point. That is still true if you are in a relationship where you feel ignored or rejected.
Know your values, be honest with them. Look inward before speaking outwardly against someone. Don't waste time changing someone's mind. If you can engage, seek to understand instead. You may find that there is no need for change. Learn to communicate, both positively and negatively. Use that big, beautiful, crazy amazing brain of yours. There are always those who would meet you at your level, for one thing or another, though never all things at once.
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