Week 7 of COVID-19

At some point, I may write a chronicle of my life/observations during the COVID-19 pandemic.

At some point, I may review my posts from another blog and consolidate the sites.

But today, I am writing and posting this, which is only re-posting what someone else has written so beautifully, but that would have to be enough.

First, the article:
https://gay.medium.com/notes-on-power-in-a-pandemic-b43996c3e03

Then, the quote:

3.

Myfiancée and I are hunkered down in Los Angeles where we are “safer at home.” I know I am lucky. I have a roof over my head. I have my health. I have some savings. My partner still has her job. She and I actually like each other and we get along well. We’ve taken up bicycling. Until this week, I had not been on a bike in more than thirty years. Mounting and dismounting is precarious. I cook and bake every day, the recipes becoming more and more elaborate. My fiancée is gardening. Each day there are new bursts of color in the yard. There is no more traffic. The 405, a freeway normally packed with cars crawling along, is hauntingly empty. The smog is gone and the sky is crystal clear. During the day, I hear birds singing sweet songs. At night I see the stars, impossibly bright and shining. Dystopias always imagine the end of the world as dark and desolate. We should have had bigger imaginations.

This is the only passage in the article that is positive.  I love how the last two sentences were highlighted in green.  It was so well-written.  And it was fascinating that I should finally get to read this article that has been sitting on a tab on my mobile browser, just after I had looked at the moon and the stars with my little girl tonight.

Tonight, we "switched things up."  We went for a drive at night to deliver some "super delicious" chocolate cake we baked to cousin M - a thank-you for his delivery of fresh fruits and vegetables earlier in the day.  I took a long way home - a much longer way.  Just to stay out of the apartment a bit longer.  I asked H if she preferred to go home or drive longer, and she said, "Drive longer."  We listened to her playlist.

There were cars out.  But I knew it was a different city.  One of which was somewhat ravished by disease.  It was quite dark.  I noticed the moon and a bright, shimmering star next to it.  I pointed it out to H but she sat on the opposite side.  I thought it might be more interesting to see lights and headed down a still brightly-lit though deserted boulevard.  I was surprised to still see the moon and the star, now ahead of us rather than to our left.  H kept saying she saw it, but these days one could never tell if she was imagining, reciting, or actually saying something.

And then, to my surprise, like clockwork, we were approaching one hour of "outdoor activity" and I felt a strong urge to head home.  So we did.  By the time we parked we had almost completed the playlist, and I felt mission accomplished.  I felt that H enjoyed it more than I had anticipated.  I had to explain to her that most people couldn't actually visit us, and we couldn't actually visit most people, and she kept saying, "We have to drop it at the door!"  I thought she would have complained about wanting to get out of the car, but she didn't.  I think she is still trying to grapple the situation.  If her 2.5yo brain could handle information as well as it has shown me, she might actually register this pandemic and commit it to some level of memory after this experience.

When we got out of the car, I looked for the moon and the star again.  I didn't have to look hard because the sky was filled with stars.  I picked H up and pointed up and she saw them, too.  And this is the point I was trying to make to tie to the article.  It was perfect timing indeed.

We all know - well, at least I do - that human's doom would be nature's triumph - depending on what one believes nature should include.  But I suppose dystopia doesn't mean humans have gone extinct.  At least not yet.  But I don't know that we shouldn't be.  There will always be "all kinds."  We can never start over with just Joan and her arc.  Good seed and all.  Again, it depends on whether one believes humans are part of nature, too.

Today I also learned more about kindness.  Of what it means to have a village.  That if you look for the helpers, you will find them, but you must be open to it: open to ask and receive.  N also dropped off groceries today.  I made him an iced coffee as a thank-you in return.  H got to see them both on the other side of the door with sunglasses and masks on.  It is a different time.

Last week I was so worn out with the lack of childcare I finally felt that I could go back to work and be okay.  My anxiety was based on having to eventually return to a world in which I do not fit in and that normalcy was plain awful.  Now my anxiety is shifting to a more introspective one: can I go back to being who I was before?  I came across two journal writing prompts today: "find out what you really want" and "when am I most myself."  The answers are actually quite simple.  How I get there might be something else, or maybe I'm just overthinking again.