Practicing Writing "2016"

I have been incredibly inspired lately.  I started quite a few drafts, and I am excited to finish them and give this blog some life again.

There was a really long dry spell during which I couldn't collect my thoughts.  I couldn't formulate a coherent opinion.  I was confused.  Conflicted.  I questioned my very own being.  Even as one of the most effective outlets, writing couldn't bring me solace because I couldn't write.

I think back now to the time I arrived at the United States.  I spoke English well, but I was afraid to speak.  I remember enrolling in school - the last 6 months of senior high, and experiencing the ultimate culture shock.  In one of my classes, students were assigned to form groups and perform skits.  I can't remember what the class was or what the skit was about.  I remember two things: one of the boys wore a t-shirt with a robot and some kanji on it ("adopted logographic Chinese characters (hànzì) that are used in the modern Japanese writing system along with hiragana and katakana" Wikipedia).  I asked him if he knew what the words said, and he said no.  I could read it.  It didn't say something stupid.  But I thought it was strange someone would wear something with words they didn't understand (now think about how much worse for those who got a tattoo of it).  The second thing I remember is how I was laughed at when I started my line with "Yo, yo!"  My character was entering the scene, and was going to say something to the group, and for some reason, I thought that's how young people talked.  I didn't peg myself as the token Asian F.O.B., but in that very moment, I was Jackie Chan in Rush Hour.  Terrible.  So what did I do?  I got a job at Starbucks - conversation/interaction central, and I started observing.  I was known to be quiet - not how most people know me now.  But I had a purpose - I needed to adapt to my new environment; I had a lot of learning to do.

My time at Starbucks served me well.  Not only was I able to get a hang of the day-to-day language, I learned about the culture because I paid attention to what people talked about, and not just how they talked.  I learned about the lifestyle choices people made in the area.  I even got a better understanding of my background culture by making meaningful comparisons to the American culture, to the Californian culture, to the local culture.  And I went on to other things.

During my dry spell, that was exactly what I did.  I went to counseling, and absorbed information like a sponge about mental and emotional well-being.  I needed to learn about my past: learn emotions - how to feel and express them; learn to communicate my needs; learn to have mercy and practice grace.  I read books I would have never touched.  I watched and listened to endless programs, such as TED and RSA.  I went back to school.  I buried my mind in philosophical texts and ideas.  I sought out conversations that brought meaning, ever so humbly, but becoming more courageous to speak my truth.  And here I am now, feeling incredibly inspired, and ready to share everything I've learned with the world, and eager to learn more, eager to continue this humbling, courageous journey to understand and spread humanity.  I am not a doctor without borders.  I am not going to cure cancer.  I am not going to get a nobel peace prize.  But I don't think my sense of duty to make some kind of impact - no matter how small - is this distant, lofty dream that cannot be realized.  Because of all things, I have learned that I can be trusted.  I can believe in myself regardless of what others may think.  And that is the power of change.

One year, just before new year's eve, I asked my cousin if he had any plans for the evening.  M's not the kind of person to party it up, and he said he's probably just staying in with his mother, practicing writing "2014," or whatever the year it was to come.  He said, "You know, cos it always takes a while to get the year right at the beginning."  I always remembered that.  I think that's what I am doing now.  Perhaps not so much practice writing the new year, but carrying this positive, powerful momentum onward, embracing this "new and improved" (oxymoron) me, and charging into the world.  I have a lot to say now, and a lot to write about.  So stay tuned!