Open Position

Seeking a personal butler. Duties include:

Cook and clean; do groceries; do laundry; change my bedsheets; wake me; put me in bed; drive me; take and make appointments; put together and maintain my schedule, i.e. keep track of what i do and make sure i stay on track; keep me happy; massage my muscles; massage my brain; pay my bills; help me manage my debt; develop saving and investment plans for me when i can finally afford them; bathe me; remind me to use the gym; remind me of birthdays; screen my phone calls; screen my emails; call my mother once a week; check on my brother every once in a while and nag him; email my aunt and my sisters at least once a month; remind me that i have friends and need to socialize to keep them; make sure i'm thinking, listening, writing and corresponding, and that i am actively creative; find interesting places for me to do photo shoots; keep track of show schedules at my favorite venues and with my favorite artists; disappear when not needed, and magically reappear when in need; be a father figure at certain times, be my slaves during others - just to name a few.


I am not a princess. I do not belong to a wealthy family or royalty. I am willing to pay handsomely, as long as your service help me succeed in the future, and you can wait.

Anyone?

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