Venuses and Mars

Just watched The Break-Up, and this ordinary film has left me with some extraordinary thoughts. It wasn't bad, this ordinary film. It had its cheesy bits, but they were mildly tasteful in a sense that they weren't some stuck-on, trying-too-hard moments to make one laugh or make a girl go, "Aww...." The best part was how plain and simple the entire storyline was, that I felt it captured the essence in the most common, ordinary relationships we've all come to experience in our very lives. The last time I saw a film that made me felt this way about relationships was almost 10 years ago when I saw a Hong Kong production called Twelve Nights.

About my after thoughts, I would like to begin with a funny story mmother once told me:

Once upon a time, there was a farmer who lived with his wife in a little village. The wife would carp at the farmer day and night, and go on about how forgetful he was. One day, the farmer had to go to the market to sell his cow. It was raining outside, but he couldn't take the bus because he had his cow with him. His wife then gave him an umbrella to bring with him on his trip. She nagged him with her high-pitched voice again and again just before he left, "Don't forget to bring the umbrella home! You always leave things behind! If you came home without it, I would be really mad!" And off he went, the farmer to the market with the cow and his umbrella.

The farmer got to the market, and sold his cow. He shut his umbrella, and got on the bus. On his way back to the village, the farmer found the look on the Mrs.'s face and the sound of her voice lingering in his mind. "Do not forget the umbrella, do not forget the umbrella," the man kept mumbling to himself, and he held on tight to the umbrella in his right palm. The farmer got home, and he proudly presented his umbrella to his wife. He said, "See, I didn't forget!" The wife nodded in approval, and asked, "So how much did you sell the cow for?" The farmer then looked at his left hand, and said, "... I left the money bag on the bus."

Alright, maybe the story wasn't so funny. It was the way my mom said it, and how she thought it was so funny that made it cute and memorable. But the point of the story is, women always thought men never listens, but they do. It's just that when they listen to one thing, they don't necessarily remember the rest. Men are goal-oriented creatures, as my boyfriend has nicely put it. And women are detail-oriented. It is an obvious fact - an undeniable, physiological design, and we have to learn to understand, accept and appreciate it. Of course, there are always exceptions; but again, those are exceptions.

Women have the nature of mothers. We sweat the details, fuss about every little thing, and run all over the place like busy little bees, because deep inside we are perfectionists. The centerpiece must consist of twelve lemons; can't tolerate waking up to a dirty kitchen; must have the right belt with the right outfit; women demand things to be so precise yet so petty that it could be, and I admit, quite annoying. But why do we care about being perfect when we know nothing is perfect? It is not because we want perfection for ourselves, but we want to be perfect for a date, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect mother. Men listen to women because they want them. Women do things for men because they want them back.

Every once in a while a guy would meet a free-spirited girl, who doesn't give a damn about cosmetics and table manners. He would find it refreshing, and thought he had discovered a jewel. But honestly - and I'm not saying that such a girl doesn't exist - I have yet to meet a girl, who is not extremely talented or naturally gorgeous, who can pull that off and not suffer from being an outcast or the undesired. Of course, we have inner beauty. Even men have inner beauties. But the opportunity for a special someone to go in and explore that inner beauty only arises upon an initial interest in knocking on your door. And since we have established the fact that men do not naturally seek out details, a woman has to learn to attract men's attention. Instinctually (think discover channel), animals attempt to garner attention of the opposite sex through displaying strong physical attributes, i.e. the hair, the make-up, the low cut tops, the tight jeans, and the high-heels.

Now that I have made myself appear completely vain and superficial, allow me to return to my point. As pessimistic as it may sound to some feminists, I really do think that women do a lot of things in their lives for men, and we do these things naturally. Even when our efforts fail to receive recognition and appreciation, we remain persistant in our ways. We think men take us for granted. Men think we are crazy. But the truth is, we all can't help it, because that is the way we are. In a man's eye, a dirty apartment means it is lived-in and cozy, and all they care is you are there. We pick up the mess and scrub the place spotless over and over again as if a religious routine in a hardcore gym because that is a home the two share. Women try to turn living spaces into pages in a Martha Stewart catalog, because we want to live the dream lives on those pages. We look at the picture-perfect homes and the blissful smiles on the models' faces, and we wish that for our lives. We become obsessive-compulsive around the house because that is the best way we know how to make a space pleasant and comfortable. It sounds silly. But that's what women are - silly. No woman can take care of all the small things in the world by herself, and that is why she needs a partner.

All great kings have great queens behind them. Women are willing to respect men as kings and support them when they feel they get the respect and support they deserve. No great man disrespects women. No great woman disrespects men. Men enjoy having women to take care of them, and women just have to be big enough to see that sometimes. People say couples complete each other. I say couples can make each other become better persons. When a man and a women are truly in love, they learn from each other, and they accept each other. It doesn't happen in all cases, but it happens often enough. That is why men joke about married men becoming whimps, and the common excuse for a woman to disappear from the social scene is, "She's got a boyfriend." There is a reason why a joke becomes common.

My boyfriend once raised a question at a dinner table: are all men truly douche-bags or do women make them so? I quickly voted for the latter. We say men are ignorant, but if we truly think that, then women are just as guilty.