Being Extraordinary

Just saw another one of Dr. Brene Brown's talks, and she has once again inspired me.  I am currently writing another piece on a slightly different topic that requires a little more thought and organization (what organization??), but wanted to share on a shorter, more immediate piece here about not being extraordinary.

I remember I came across a profile on Myspace (am I dating myself?) of friend of friend's, and it said something like, "I despise mediocrecy."  And immediately, I knew I would never be friends with this person.  Something about that statement was fundamentally offensive to me.  What did she mean by mediocrecy?  How is she so extraordinary?  By displaying pretty photos of herself in heavy makeup and cute outfits, and getting a million friend requests?

Obviously, I didn't know this person.  She might have wonderful aspirations that she's actively pursuing.  She might eventually save the world.  Who knows.  And we do need great people in the world.  But I often think, what do great people have in common?  Surely, for people to truly do great things, they must have great purposes.  If they had intended to simply not be ordinary people, they might have been too busy to actually develop their talents.

What I really mean to say is, there is nothing wrong with being ordinary.  When I was younger, I saw kids hauling little suitcases on wheels to carry all of their after school class supplies - art classes, music classes, language classes, all kinds of classes.  It's insane.  The competition in Hong Kong is fierce; understandablely, this is the smallest yet the highest-populated city.  What I've always found ironic is the fact that parents tried so hard to "cultivate" the interests of their children; they want their children to be multi-faceted, multi-talented.  Yet when all is said and done, they want their children to study further and become doctors and lawyers   If you've fallen in love with music and had wanted to become a musician - forget it.  Unless you're good enough to play in the main seat in an important orchestra.  Forget it, 'cause you're going to be poor and miserable.  If you wanted to become a painter?  Lord have mercy, your parents are going to kill you.  "I didn't spend all this time and money and raised you to be a starving artist!"  I mean, why bother in the first place?

And what if your child had become a doctor or a lawyer and made really good money, how is that extraordinary?  If you've become a doctor and went to Africa to help the poor, and you came home covered in dirt with no money in your pocket - forget it.  If you've become an excellent lawyer, and decided to help the needy and defend civil justice pro bono - forget it.

This culture does not cater to the development of talents.  It caters to the development of wealth.  We are all so blinded.

What if you're really good at home-ec, and wanted to be a good housewife?  I think that is quite extraordinary given how this world is just filled with shitty parents.  "I suppose that's alright, as long as you marry a rich husband."  ....  But people aren't commodities.  We are not for sell.

It takes hard work and dedication to do something, anything well.  Sometimes it's talent.  But talent is nothing if not discovered and nourished.  Talents are gifts from heaven that no one ought to overlook.  It is our duty to develop them.  I believe we are all here to help one another.  This reminds me of another quote from the book Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist:

Norah: It reminds me of this part of Judaism that I really like. It's called Tikkun olam. It says that, um, the world's been broken into pieces and it's everybody's job to find them and put them back together again.

Nick: Well, maybe we're the pieces. Maybe we're not supposed to find the pieces. Maybe we are the pieces.

It is absolutely beautiful.

I've gone on a tangent there....  Returning to the subject of being ordinary.  I don't equate contentment with complacency.  I am not an etymology expert; in my opinion, being content is having gratitude towards what you have, and at times, what you don't have; complacency seems to denote laziness.  Being ordinary is much like being content.  It doesn't mean you're void of standards.  It doesn't mean you won't work hard to attain and maintain what you have, but you appreciate it.  And you see the things and people around you, and you understand these are all things that are important.  Much like what Dr. Brown said in her speech, leading an ordinary life is the most fulfilling.  You're happy, because you're grateful.

It's not always easy to see when enough is enough; to know when you're enough.  I struggle with that very notion constantly, and it has made me very uneasy and sad.  I bought a magnet in New York that said: We must overcome the notion that we must be regular.  It robs us of the chance to be extraordinary.  I debated at the store whether I really wanted it.  At the time, I was struggling with my identity.  I have had a series of what I considered failure - relationship with my family, love, mishaps at work, money; I never thought I was obtuse or lacked of skills, but I felt useless.  I needed reassurance.  I wanted to be great.  I never cared to be in the spotlight.  I just wanted to feel... purposeful.

Later on, I realized the quote was incomplete.  The line was spoken by a German-born actress and drama teacher Uta Hagan.  The last bit read It robs us of the chance to be extraordinary and leads us to the mediocre.  Had I known the sentence ended with mediocre, there would have been no debate.  Though knowing Hagan's profession, it made perfect sense she thought that.  I don't know how her career panned out, but I thought about Marilyn Monroe and her life.  She was truly extraordinary, though her life ended quite tragically.  Many of the most brilliant entertainers, politicians, even scholars led a difficult life.  That is not to say we shall not pursuit human excellence, but perhaps we need to learn how to balance and draw a line?  Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard died a lonely man, leaving his estate to a young love who had married another man when Kierkegaard broke their engagement to pursuit knowledge.  He decided he should dedicate his life to philosophy, yet he had never loved another.  But why?  Why did it have to be that way?  How much could you possibly learn about life if you cannot love?

We overlook important things because they are ordinary, when these things, such as health, love, peace and community are, well, important.  I still strive for greatness, but I cannot convince myself that if I would choose to let go of the important things in life that I could be any good at anything, much less be great.