life is so fuckin' hard, now isn't it?
i hate my mood swings.
they are deconstructive. they make me understand myself a little more each time. but even more so, they are destructive. they are destroying me.
perhaps deep down i dont wanna know who the fuck i am. i mean, who the fuck i think i am anyways? i would much rather trade my ability to think for one good night sleep without vivid dreams that haunt me so cruelly. ignorance is bliss. as always.
one of my acquintances has been going through a lot lately. he went through a divorce, fought for his two young children, started a new relationship, and the girl is breaking up with him now due to age difference. on top of it all, he has just decided to give up his children right before the girl confronted him, because he thought it would be better off for the children to live with their mother. yeah, that is one hell of an emotional roller-coaster. NOW WHAT ABOUT YOUR FUCKIN' CHILDREN? perhaps they are lucky enough in a sense that they are so little they may not know what the hell is going on. from what i know, which could be completely inaccurate, he didnt really have to fight for his children because their mother didn't want to take them in the first place. for fuck sake! one being 5, and the other 1 year old. what is the matter with you adults? children are innocent. so everyone makes mistakes. we're not saints, we're certainly not god [if it even exists]; but just because we are naturally sinful creatures, we can do whatever the fuck we want? is that it? my morals tell me that maybe i can do whatever i want within the limited freedom we get to enjoy [but not abuse], but if it involves a third party, maybe we should think harder. and i mean, harder, god dammit! we make mistakes, and in this case, the children become their mistakes. it is in no way being fair. do you have the slightest clue how it feels to be unwanted by your own parents? i mean, i wasnt an orphan, so maybe i dont have the absolute right to talk about this here, but i do have first-hand experience in exactly this sort of bull-shit. everybody was like, well, he's making a very rational decision considering his ability to take care of children, and the surroundings would be more beneficial on the mother's side, bla bla bla bla bla. but remember? the mother was the one who decided to quit the marriage, and leave without the children in the first place. and if the greatest good for the children is at the utmost concern, then as a parent you'll just have to work hard, and do all you can to provide and look after them. children are not complimentary products of marriage; their lives dont end when the marriage ends. they are not disposable toys just to be there to be adorable every once in a while. why is that so fuckin' hard to understand? we've all been little once, why can't people see it? i swear to god, if i ever, ever, had a child, i WILL NOT ever make him/her think the question "why am i born?" in a sense that he/she feels unwanted, unloved, or uncared for. i swear. and by god, if there is only one promise i can keep, this will be it.
i am 25 now. and it still fuckin' hurts.
it does.
they are deconstructive. they make me understand myself a little more each time. but even more so, they are destructive. they are destroying me.
perhaps deep down i dont wanna know who the fuck i am. i mean, who the fuck i think i am anyways? i would much rather trade my ability to think for one good night sleep without vivid dreams that haunt me so cruelly. ignorance is bliss. as always.
one of my acquintances has been going through a lot lately. he went through a divorce, fought for his two young children, started a new relationship, and the girl is breaking up with him now due to age difference. on top of it all, he has just decided to give up his children right before the girl confronted him, because he thought it would be better off for the children to live with their mother. yeah, that is one hell of an emotional roller-coaster. NOW WHAT ABOUT YOUR FUCKIN' CHILDREN? perhaps they are lucky enough in a sense that they are so little they may not know what the hell is going on. from what i know, which could be completely inaccurate, he didnt really have to fight for his children because their mother didn't want to take them in the first place. for fuck sake! one being 5, and the other 1 year old. what is the matter with you adults? children are innocent. so everyone makes mistakes. we're not saints, we're certainly not god [if it even exists]; but just because we are naturally sinful creatures, we can do whatever the fuck we want? is that it? my morals tell me that maybe i can do whatever i want within the limited freedom we get to enjoy [but not abuse], but if it involves a third party, maybe we should think harder. and i mean, harder, god dammit! we make mistakes, and in this case, the children become their mistakes. it is in no way being fair. do you have the slightest clue how it feels to be unwanted by your own parents? i mean, i wasnt an orphan, so maybe i dont have the absolute right to talk about this here, but i do have first-hand experience in exactly this sort of bull-shit. everybody was like, well, he's making a very rational decision considering his ability to take care of children, and the surroundings would be more beneficial on the mother's side, bla bla bla bla bla. but remember? the mother was the one who decided to quit the marriage, and leave without the children in the first place. and if the greatest good for the children is at the utmost concern, then as a parent you'll just have to work hard, and do all you can to provide and look after them. children are not complimentary products of marriage; their lives dont end when the marriage ends. they are not disposable toys just to be there to be adorable every once in a while. why is that so fuckin' hard to understand? we've all been little once, why can't people see it? i swear to god, if i ever, ever, had a child, i WILL NOT ever make him/her think the question "why am i born?" in a sense that he/she feels unwanted, unloved, or uncared for. i swear. and by god, if there is only one promise i can keep, this will be it.
i am 25 now. and it still fuckin' hurts.
it does.
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