Overdue
Had instant noodles for a week. It's good. But not that good.
Got stood up 3 times last weekend. Felt so pathetic.
Continued on this moody, depressed streak since last Friday. It's retarded having to feel so low for so long.
I'll get over it.
A stranger walked by and said, "Smile! A pretty girl like you shouldn't be so sad."
What was that supposed to mean?
I smiled politely and walked away.
E said I should harness my power. If people found me attractive, I could use it to my advantage.
Honestly, I don't feel very pretty. The notion of it seems overrated and overwhelming all at once. It's all a matter of perspective; and I'd hate to be objectified by it. Don't get me wrong. I am vain, too. I wear make up everyday, and I try to dress nice. I care about the representation of me as a whole person. And it is a lot of work. From time to time I realize that it is the fear of embarrassment that is driving this obsessive-compulsive behavior much more so - if not purely - than the pursuit of beauty. The pressure sometimes really gets to me.
But all that work hasn't gotten me far. It might have gotten my foot in some doors, but it doesn't sustain. Makes me wonder if the rest of me was really that horrible. Then I realized it's because I haven't accepted myself.
I have a million shortcomings, but I know I'm not the worst person on Earth. There's something I need to get over, but I'm not quite sure what. I know it must be something simple; but I know it won't be easy. I keep feeling that the clock is ticking, and if I don't come to terms with whatever it is soon enough, I'll wind up alone forever.
I know I'm still young, so that was a ridiculous thing to say. But somehow, I am just so anxious, that I feel it is all...
... overdue.
Got stood up 3 times last weekend. Felt so pathetic.
Continued on this moody, depressed streak since last Friday. It's retarded having to feel so low for so long.
I'll get over it.
A stranger walked by and said, "Smile! A pretty girl like you shouldn't be so sad."
What was that supposed to mean?
I smiled politely and walked away.
E said I should harness my power. If people found me attractive, I could use it to my advantage.
Honestly, I don't feel very pretty. The notion of it seems overrated and overwhelming all at once. It's all a matter of perspective; and I'd hate to be objectified by it. Don't get me wrong. I am vain, too. I wear make up everyday, and I try to dress nice. I care about the representation of me as a whole person. And it is a lot of work. From time to time I realize that it is the fear of embarrassment that is driving this obsessive-compulsive behavior much more so - if not purely - than the pursuit of beauty. The pressure sometimes really gets to me.
But all that work hasn't gotten me far. It might have gotten my foot in some doors, but it doesn't sustain. Makes me wonder if the rest of me was really that horrible. Then I realized it's because I haven't accepted myself.
I have a million shortcomings, but I know I'm not the worst person on Earth. There's something I need to get over, but I'm not quite sure what. I know it must be something simple; but I know it won't be easy. I keep feeling that the clock is ticking, and if I don't come to terms with whatever it is soon enough, I'll wind up alone forever.
I know I'm still young, so that was a ridiculous thing to say. But somehow, I am just so anxious, that I feel it is all...
... overdue.
Comments
Also idiots like that who tell you to smile. They should fuck themselves. I hate that.